First off, I'll say that I am doing much better than I was almost 5 weeks ago when I posted last.
I have almost 4 weeks of teaching under my belt now, and I am
actually pretty comfortable with it for the most part. All of my adult/high
school classes have consisted of almost all conversations thus far...which is
totally okay with me! Not only do I 100% believe that conversation is by far the
best way to learn a language (much more so than textbooks), but, if nothing
else, I simply enjoy building relationships with my students.
It is weird though to think of myself as having my own
‘students'! ... And to think of myself as a teacher to begin with.
one of my 6 kindergarten students
But yet here I am... just another part of this ongoing journey
of ours, called life.
this is 10 minutes from my house
I feel like I am adapting and adjusting to life in Japan
pretty
well now. I'm not in love with the country like I used to be...but at
least now I
think I accept it and the fact that I am indeed here for a while, and that it is apparently where God wants me to be.
church potluck
in the sanctuary after church
My relationships with the other teachers are going pretty
well, especially with the guys that I live with. I'm slowly getting to know the
people at the church better (which is really good because there's some really
cool people there) and making some friends with the kiddies. But the church
side of my time here, as a whole, has been kind of bleh. Which...(and I may offend or
disappoint some people by saying this) I've never really felt like I've gotten
a whole lot outta ‘church', to begin with (except in Portland it was pretty
good)...and at the same time I probably haven't given much to church either, in terms of involvement... but anyway, it's
taking some additional getting-used-to with being at church for most of the day
on Sunday here. And then there's the thing of; I-don't-know-what-I-think-of-the-pastor-yet... I just get some weird feelings from him. I've also been surprised
at the complete lack of any relationship with him thus far. But I'll leave it
at that for now though.
I will say that I have been reminded of the fact of needing
to remember that God is bar-none my ultimate and final authority...in absolutely
EVERYTHING! I need to remember that Christ did not come to bring peace...but rather a
sword. (matt 10:34)
one of the classrooms...where some people are hearing the gospel for the very first time
Probably the best part of being here so far has been the
bible time at the end of every single class. It has been pretty incredible the
way God has been leading those times. The first week of classes, I asked
each student what they thought of the bible, Jesus and Christianity. "Do you like it? Not like it? Do you believe it? Do you think it's stupid?" I'm
really glad god leaned me toward doing that the first week. It gave me a great
idea of where people are in terms of Christianity and what kind of stuff
would be best for them to hear.
the second floor is the school
I really believe in the concept, ‘earn the right to be
heard,' which I first learned about in Young Life. So because of that, I've
shared my brief story about how I became a Christian and how and why I'm in Japan now. I've
shared quite a bit about various experiences from my time on the Race, and have
even showed a lot of my classes the photo book I made from that year. A lot of
great questions and discussions have resulted from all of that stuff.
a generic self-portrait before class. I guess you could say this is my game-face before going into battle
It's been really cool to look back and see how the holy
spirit has TOTALLY been leading each bible time! I've shared John 8:32 (you will know the truth, and the truth will
set you free) with probably every class so far...but it's just really neat
how even though I'm using the same verse as a starting place... where the
discussion goes from there has been COMPLETELY up to God! Sometimes, as I'm
sitting there talking, I can't help but be...kind of astounded at the different
words and concepts that are coming out of my mouth from the holy spirit. I
never have any idea where the discussion will end up or where God is going to
take it, but ya know, each time it must be exactly what God wants those people
to hear. Just the other night, a student and I ended up staying for almost an extra
hour talking about some really deep biblical concepts. Here's an after picture of the
white board and some of the stuff I shared with him.
It's funny to think
of myself as a ‘real missionary' for some reason.But I'm learning and discovering new things
everyday it seems like. Learning new things about trust (as always) and servant
hood, submission and attitude, selflessness...and more and more about how
important it is to be really consistent about getting into the bible and being
in prayer.
I feel like I had some more profound things to put into this
blog...but...this is what I've got I guess.
I've connected with this girl pretty well. she goes to the church and is in my kindergarten class
If you're willing to pray for me, here's some things that
you could pray for me about:
-ongoing strength,
mostly mentally...to keep being able to get up in the morning and go to
school, and the mental energy to be uppity, welcoming and loving for every one
of my 16 classes each week.
-conviction and
discernment...there are some things here that I think may need to be
addressed/fixed. But I don't know how, when, what or if I should speak up and
address them.
-for the holy spirit
to continue to lead me every single day
-for contentment...it's
not a big issue currently, but it's just an ongoing struggle for me
And as always, if you have stuff that you need or want
prayer for...I really like praying for people, so please don't hesitate to ask.
My email is ryanstewartphoto@hotmail.com
Lastly, I've had some people ask me what my mailing address
is...so I'm just gonna put it out there:
I find myself in aninteresting place.
Not only is it interesting... and kind of weird, to be in Japan to begin
with, but mentally right now... things are also rather interesting.
And I mean that in a weird, not great, but
also in a ‘not terrible' kind of way.
The first 3 or 4 days of observing classes was
pretty tough. I was
battling a lot of anxiety, fear, doubt and discouragement about fulfilling the duties/tasks and responsibilities that I
have upon me here.A lot of different thoughts
orbiting around the theme of "I can't do this!" and "Part of me doesn't even
want to do this... I want to run away!"
God is working though. He's helping me through this. On the last day of observing, my
confidence level was a lot better, and in general I felt a lot better about
stuff.
Today is the first of 6 days off for spring
break. I start teaching...on my own...on April 6th.
I've realized a lot of things already in the
10 days or whatever that I have been here.
I've realized that this experience (teaching
English here and just living in Japan)
is going to be more challenging than I originally thought. One seemingly petty
way is that I have to dress up and look all professional everyday. Which, in
the big scheme of things, really ain't that big of a deal... But for me, it's
going to be stretching because I don't enjoy dressing up and other than a
2-week stint as a reporter back in '06, I've never had a job that I've had to
look all professional for.
that second floor there is the english school
Another thing that I have realized is... I don't like Japan as much as I remember.
Some of that feeling may have to do with the fact that I've only been here for
10 days and therefore haven't settled in and gotten comfortable yet... but I
think it's more than that. And I just happened to read in 2 Cor. 9 the other
day, where Paul says, "To the Jews I became like a Jew to win the Jews... I have
become all things to all people so I could save some of them in any way
possible." I had never noticed that section before. But, I immediately thought
to myself, ‘I don't want to become like the Japanese!' There are some deep and
serious flaws in this culture that I do not want to inherit!
In the month or two before I left Portland, a plan B presented itself and developed in case
I didn't get my visa for Japan.
AIM has started to do a lot down in Haiti, in wake of the earthquake.
They've been looking for WR alumni and similar types of people to go down to
work and serve. Seemingly, at the same time that my hopes for Japan were growing, a new pull on
my heart to go back and minister in the third-world was also developing
rapidly.
If this Japan
thing didn't work out, there was a good chance I would've gone down to Haiti for a
while instead. For the week or two before I officially found out that I got the
visa for Japan, I was going back and forth every other day between being way
more excited to go to Haiti, and being way more excited for this Japan thing.
Back and forth man. Then the visa stuff came through, and I just went through this open door that was
now in front of me.
If you think about it... I have changed and
grown quite a bit in the 4˝ years since I was in Japan last. And so, since being
here and discovering that I just don't mesh with this culture in terms of how
I'm wired...(I love a slow-pace of life and a culture that is relationship driven
and simple. as opposed to a culture like Japan that is extremely work-oriented,
complicated and very busy with a faster-pace) I can't help but wonder... Have my
feelings about Japan
all these years been based on sentimentality? Or was God indeed calling
me here? It's not like there isn't a need in Japan... cuz
there's a huge one! And now, as that ever-present itch or pull for the
third-world and helping people with real physical and tangible needs is very
much there... I can't help but wonder and question.
I live right across from that big blue AO sign
I'm hoping and praying that this isn't just
another case of discontentment and thinking that ‘the grass will always be
greener on the other side.' I mean, I did just
get here and haven't really settled in yet... so maybe it is. I'm also trying to
be mindful of the fact that God totally did all kinds of crazy cool things over
the last 6 months to bring me here. So, he must have something good in mind for
me. Right?
Maybe it's just the fact of not being used to
having the next 2 years of my life planned out that is causing all this. It's a
lot easier to grasp a 1-year commitment as opposed to 2.
Is ministering in Japan for the next 2 years merely a
good thing... or is it indeed the best thing for me?
Am I thinking too much again? :)
Perhaps I'm just not
flat-out trusting Him and His plan enough...
I made it
safely over to Japan.
One of my bags came a couple days late, but other than that, it was a smooth
trip.
I'm
living in a house with three other American guys. One is at the end of his two
years here, so he's moving out soon, so there'll be three of us total.
I've just
been hangin' out for the most part the last couple days. I've been to some
restaurants with the other teachers and some people from the church...which has already
been more eating out than I usually do. I've been catching up on a lot of sleep too man.
I was up till almost 6am packing last Wednesday, and got maybe 45 minutes
of ‘sleep' that night before I left Portland.
I slept a decent amount on the flights...(as good as you can on planes), but I
went to bed at 7:30 the other night and took like a 6+ hour nap today. :/
Tomorrow
is the start of 5 full days of observing the English classes.
Mentally...I'm
doin alright. Hangin in there.
I can't
really feel any excitement at this point because all the new-ness and taking in
all of that is overpowering thus far. I find myself worrying about things like
if my work attire will be acceptable, (apparently, Shukugawa, the area I now
live in, is the Beverly Hills of Japan) and fearful about if I'm gonna do a
good enough job as an English teacher. Cuz I've never done this before.
I'm trying
to focus on being patient and trusting that this is undoubtedly where God wants
me for the next couple years. And believe that He is going to give me the
necessary knowledge and skills to get me through this and to hopefully thrive
in it. I'm already coming to terms that this experience is going to require me
to die to myself in some new ways.
So yeah...I
made it here and I'm hangin in there. Getting a bit of a cold/sinus infection
though.:(
I'll take
some pictures soon and post em up for ya. And pass along my new address.
Just wanted to let you guys know that I will be heading to JAPAN on march 18th, for a minimum of 2 years to work and minister at a church.
I'll be an english teacher/missionary at Shukugawa Bible Church in Nishinomiya. I'll be doing about 24 hrs/wk of english classes and then just being involved in the church on sundays and whatever else.
Japan has been on my heart for years. I spent a semester there during college in 2004... and since then God has really put a passion in my heart for that country and I totally see it as a forgotten mission field.
I've tried a couple of times in the last 4 or 5 years to get over there for long term, but God had not allowed those doors to open. So with this... I'm really excited!
I'm a bit nervous about stuff though too. Leaving a country and culture that is completely familiar and not knowing anyone at the place I'm going to. I've never taught english before at all, and so i'm a little nervous about how that's gonna go. And transitions are notoriously a very tough thing for me.
With that though...I am definitely excited for sure! Japan is all I've been talking about for years and I've been ready to get back out on the mission field for quite a while now. So bring it on. :)
I'm going to use this blog page again for sending updates and posting pictures and all that for my time in japan, so keep an eye out.
Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement yo! They are greatly needed and appreciated.
It has been a LOOOOONG time in the making, too long really...
but I am pleased to announce that I have finally finished my photo book about my time on The World Race!
I started working on this book soon after I got back from the race around thanksgiving 2007...but had majorly lacked the motivation to work on it. I had prayed here and there for motivation to get it done, but nothing really came.
I asked God for motivation again this past christmas time. When I got back to portland, God had TOTALLY answered those prayers as I had this great unexpected motivation to get it done. Just about any free time I had I was working on it to some degree.
The book is called: AROUND THE WORLD IN 322 DAYS.
It's 134 pages of photos with captions. I've also included quite a few journal excerpts from the year to give it all a more personal, in depth feel.
I heard that another team was going to be in Puerto Barrios/Livingston, Guatemala...and jumped at the opportunity to have some more racers go and find Justine.
sure enough my friends...World Racers have found her again......
and this time....I have tears of joy!!!!!!!!!!
here is a blog explaining the newest search for Justine, posted by Andrea Wendel:
Today was an adventure of finding Justine.
Justine was found, originally, by Ryan Stewart, a January 2007 World Racer.
He has several blogs about teams who have found Justine since then.
Today, was our turn.
Today, God continued to carry out His persistent love for His Daughter.
Here she is:
Justine is a beautiful woman who has lost her left foot to a snake
bite and very bad infection over the last 3 years. Ryan found her on
the beach and struck up a conversation with her two years ago... got
her a Bible... visited with her... loved on her... and has continued to
advocate for her ever since.
Today, we followed the "goose-chase" directions to the town of
Livingston (about a half hour boat ride from Puerto Barrios) to her
house. {But first, we actually passed by Livingston earlier in the day
(on our River Tour), and caught a glimpse of a woman on the pier in the
distance that looked extremely similar to the description we got of
Justine and got real excited. (to be continued...)}
So,
later on, after our River Tour, we got dropped off in Livingston to
attempt our mission. We started by knowing that we needed to turn left
before the big hill. Then we were to find Pastor Marcos at the Nazarene
Church. We were walking rather blindly, when a new friend, Oscar, came
alongside the gaggle of gringos and asked us what we were looking for.
He decided to be our guide. How convenient.
About 15 minutes down the road, he pointed us down a dirt path
that ended up at Pastor Marcos' church. He was there. He invited us
around back to meet his family, and when we introduced ourselves as
friends of Ryan who were looking for Justine, they laughed and giggled
and carried on for a bit. We asked if Pastor Marcos would take us to
her, and he agreed.
So, we started out on the 45 minute trek across town to where she
lives in a cinder block shack. We got to the front door, that was
actually just a mattress, and peeked inside. Guess who it was? Yep,
that's right. It was the woman we had spotted on the pier about 6 hours
earlier.
We went inside, greeted her, and told her who we were and why we
were there. She beamed. She started talking a million words a minute in
her broken English, telling us how she had been, how she has been
caring for her leg, and how she prays to God every day. She giggled and
smiled the whole time. We prayed over her, loved on her, and reminded
her that God loved her so much that He has sent three groups of World
Racers to her over the years to tell her that. She received it all.
We took pictures with her, said our goodbyes, and made our way out
of the house. As we were standing outside waving, she began to sing to
us. It was precious! She belted it and was just rejoicing! She said
over and over what a great day it was.
And it was. God is so good. So detailed. He cares so deeply for
the One. He sends us after the One. It was a beautiful day of being a
part of what God started in her life years ago with a World Race team
who walked in obedience and love.
Here we are walking in victory and excitement back to the boat at
the end of the day. The Justine story will be continued... when the
next World Race team comes through Guatemala.
I cannot fully express in words how incredible this new news of Justine is!
seeing that picture of her SMILING and in a new BLUE dress....it brings me an immense joy that I have not experienced in quite a long time. :)
I've been literally praying for Justine, not everyday, but nearly every single day since I met her that one day on the beach back in february of 2007. I've been asking God to reveal himself to her like never before and to take her out of the life that she had been living: which included being a beggar and possibly drugs. and several times while praying for her I had this vision of her in a BLUE DRESS :) walking around, smiling :) and I saw her being some kind of inspirational spiritual speaker or something.
so to see her smiling and to hear about her demeanor and her singing and joyful...:) i've never had a prayer answered like this before.
gahhh...it's incredible!!!
here's the past two pictures of her to jog your memory
I'm not sure what will result from this...if anything...but I'm going to take a stretching leap of faith...and put it out there anyway:
World
Race is going to start hosting an annual worship event somewhere in the
world for all World Race squads and alumni. This year, it's
in Romania, September 22-26. ...so it's three days of teaching, worship, prayer, and talking about God's move in the nations.
I met a girl, Dre, at camp in Minnesota last summer that I have stayed in contact with quite a bit since. She just left yesterday for The World Race. I've been having a lot of phone conversations with her over the past year talking about the Race and praying, encouraging and calming her for her trip. Over the course of being involved with her Race experience and preparation it has in turn triggered memories and excitement in my own heart. Jimmy McCarty (who was my discipleship partner during the Race) works with The World Race in georgia now and has been subtly trying to see if i can go, and even said he would cover all the costs on the ground while i'm there if i was able to get myself there.
Dre has encouraged me to really try to go to this thing in Romania to reconnect with everything WR and with people and get back in touch with everything about the Race that radically changed my life forever.
I would absolutely love to be able to go...and get refreshed by the holy spirit. But I'm just not able to afford the plane ticket. It'll only be by the provision of God that I'm able to go.
So hence...posting this blog. Please pray about this if you'd be so kind...cuz maybe God will use you to provide this.
I am in the middle of the full-swing summer life here at Washington Family Ranch. I'm doing the video scrapbook production: filming and editing. A VERY TIME CONSUMING and busy job...to say the least. The first week I was putting in almost 15 hour days, 6 days a week. I've since been able to make things run a little more efficiently, but it's still a lot of work. And I just realized and remembered yesterday (during a conversation) that back in the spring in one of our small group meetings, we shared the things that bring us alive and the things the drain us. I put that 'spending a lot of time on the computer' is something that really drains me. It just dawned on me that ...wuddya know, i'm spending a ton of time on the computer this summer doing all this editing stuff...no wonder i feel really drained and spent.
I've also become very interested in a fellow female intern out here and being challenged like you wouldn't believe with...being patient and trusting of God with all of that while being in a place and time where pursuing that relationship is not really an option. It has seriously been rocking me to my core. All in all...I'm being FORCED to do this relationship on God's terms. Which, I've learned is not what I am used to...so it's been quite a stretch for me.
Those two things (especially the latter) have translated into me being stretched and challenged like crazy this year! Like...to the point of being WAAAY beyond what I thought may have been in store for me this year.
The challenges and stretching that is taking place in me has also sucked a lot of the joy outta me lately too. Which I hate. But I will say, there are a good handfull of people here that are walking along side me and praying for me and supporting me in tremendous ways through all of this.
I mentioned in my last post (back in february) about my applying with Young Life International. Today I received an email from them that included this statement:
"At this point we do not feel like we have the right fit for you in YL
International."
...........................it kinda leaves me speechless to be honest with you. The word 'dumbfounded' keeps circling in my mind. I keep thinking......"really!?...............seriously???.......what the heck man?!?!.............i mean....is there something I'm missing here??"
This is the SECOND time that I have been denied for a pretty big thing concerning going to Japan for something. The first was in 2005 when I was denied for the JET program. (teaching english for a year or more). I can't help but think am I somehow not good enough?? I mean, are they looking for an absolutely 'perfect person' or something? I mean, not to be conceited or anything...but I've been pretty confident and sure that I am called to Japan...and I am way familiar with Young Life....seemed like a perfect fit to me.
And I know this isn't the 'end all' by any means or anything...but I'm just very surprised and yes...dumbfounded. I guess though...for God to close such a HUGE door it must mean He's got something even HUGER in store? right?.... is that reasonable logic?
So there's my update.
crazyness.........
oh...and, i'm the second round of this big photo contest put on by AIM.
a panoramic view of the camp property, Washington Family Ranch, that I'm working at for a year
Hey everybody...
my apologies that it has been so long since some of you have heard from me...but nonetheless, here's an update on what's goin on with me since...shoot, I guess it's been quite a while. :)
I am currently living at a camp in north/central Oregon that is owned and ran by Young Life. (a christian ministry organization that reaches out to teenagers worldwide)
Washington Family Ranch...in Oregon
I'm participating in a 1-year internship program out here. My role/job...I work maintenance 3/3.5 days a week, guest services (running some of the rides like the climbing walls, skate park, giant swing, etc) half a day or so a week, and housekeeping 1 day a week. The 4 focus points or whatever for the program are Christ, discipleship, community and service. Their goal is for it to be a year of challenge and growth with the lord and that you will gain a better idea of what your calling is in life.
At first...well, maybe even through the first 2 months of being out here, I was kind of hardened to the goal/vision of this internship. They were saying that it may be the most challenging year of your life and all this, and I couldn't help but say to myself, 'yeah right! this isn't gonna be anything like the challenges on the race!' I was basically, yet unintentionally, doubting God and what He most definitely would and will do in me this year. And there was a lot of times in the first few months of discontentment again, really missing the race and being out in the nations and on 'the front lines' so to speak. I felt like I was kind of backtracking in a sense.
I still miss the race....that is for dang sure! I miss the lifestyle...the simplicity...the community...the cultures and people...the risk...the challenges...and being out on, what I first think of as, the front lines of ministry. I doubt there's been 1 day since I returned on November 19, 2007 that I haven't thought about something from the race and missed it.
You could say I had my world race experience up on a pedestal, I guess. And my gosh, it totally was the adventure of a lifetime...literally, but I was at the point of putting too much stock in it. Having the mindset of 'that-was-as-good-as-life-is-ever-gonna-get.' Which, on one hand, (being almost 27 years into my life and not being able to see into the future) it's hard for me to fathom God topping that experience. But on the other hand, you can't limit God!He could very well blow the year I had on the world race outta the freakin water! I hope he does.
So yeah...I was questioning the point (as I tend to do) of me being out here in Oregon.
But I'm good now. I still can't say I know why exactly God brought me out here, but I'm cool with it now. He led me and brought me out here...He's in control...He's got my best in mind. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you, but to give you hope and a good future." (Jer 29:11) Enough said right there.
I will say I'm not really liking the maintenance stuff right now (or the housekeeping either), but I think a lot of it is due to the fact that it's winter and cold. But I'm going to be shooting and making the video scrapbooks all summer long, which I will love! So that will be great. And I'm living with and working with great people! My fellow interns (there's 13 of us) are great, and I'm enjoying getting to know them all, as well as some of the property staff that live here. I'm meeting regularly with, and getting discipled from two different men here. One of those relationships has been especially good.
me at our costume dinner thing back in October
This entire property here, (64,000 acres) used to be a cult called the Rajneesh back in the early 80's. They had a few thousand people living out here. These A-frames are where a bunch of the people lived. Young Life acquired the property in 1998 I think it was and turned it into the outreach camp that it is now. Thousands of kids and adults have heard the gospel and given their lives to Christ because of this camp. It's a cool history about this place, and how God can turn something that was so evil and messed up, and now use it for so much good.
some more of the abandoned A-frames
So...I'll be out here until the end of September '09. I'm sure a lot, if not all of you know that I feel I am called to Japan to do ministry for a long time. I am happy to say that I am taking the first big step towards making that happen!
I think I may have mentioned in a previous post, that I met with the YL director of Asia when I drove through San Francisco this past September. We've chatted a couple times since then and I'm in contact with another guy now also. As of a couple weeks ago I officially started the application for Young Life International!
It's taking me a while to get through the thing because it is a long application filled with a lot of essay type questions. But it is starting to happen my friends!
By the sounds of it right now though, (and assuming I get accepted and all that) I will actually start out in Singapore for 2 years or so. Turns out that YL doesn't have a whole lot of staff in Japan, and Clif's (the director of Asia who I met with in SF) main concern or whatever, is making sure I get the necessary training I need before I go do full-time ministry with YL in Japan. They have a guy in Singapore that he thinks would be a great fit for me to spend a couple years with and get trained. They're kind of using their ministry there as a training ground/send-off base.
So that's what is going on with that. I had some early reservations about Singapore, but now I seriously am excited and at peace about this route. I would love to have some prayers from you guys about all of that...just that God would open the door if this is the right avenue to take.
The only other thing that I could use some more prayer and support on is...my support raising for this internship that I am doing right now. I need to raise $4,200 for the entire year, and I still need $1945. If that doesn't end up coming in, it'll be taken out of my paychecks. (which sucks) If you feel led to help me out with this, give me an email at: ryanstewartphoto@hotmail.com
And, I hope I've said this before, but if not, if you need or want prayer for something in particular, please feel free to shoot me an email about that as well...I'm all ears.
I'll try not to let another 5 months or whatever, go by before I write again.
ciao!
these two pictures are on the property that I live on
So,
later on, after our River Tour, we got dropped off in Livingston to
attempt our mission. We started by knowing that we needed to turn left
before the big hill. Then we were to find Pastor Marcos at the Nazarene
Church. We were walking rather blindly, when a new friend, Oscar, came
alongside the gaggle of gringos and asked us what we were looking for.
He decided to be our guide. How convenient.
