There's something to be said for what one's focus is on in life.
When you focus on one thing, object, issue or even a person... everything else fades away and goes out of focus.
Swaziland, June.2007
I mean, think of a photograph that exhibits great depth of field... one part of the shot, or one segment of the distance or depth that lies in front of you is in crisp focus... and everything before and after that segment gradually goes more and more out of focus. When you look at that picture... your gaze and your attention goes straight to that area that is in crisp focus. You may glance on the blurry parts of the image... but probably just briefly. The detail and intrigue of that object in focus is what draws you in.
Hillsdale, MI, Oct.2011
This past December 13th, I journaled about how I had been discouraged recently about God providing for my financial needs and housing once I moved to Georgia in January.
He then reminded me of one of the biggest time in my life when I had to really trust Him for my basic provisions: Portland.
Portland, OR, Jan.2010
I moved to Portland, Oregon on October 1st, 2009, after I completed the one-year internship at Washington Family Ranch in the middle of Oregon. The day I left the ranch I didn't have a house/apartment lined up... and no longer had any source of income... not even any prospects of a job at that point. My 6 months in Portland turned into a season in which God really taught me some important lessons in relying on Him and trusting that He would follow through and provide what I needed.
Nishinomiya, Japan, Aug.2010
Anyway... back to this past December. I was journaling about feeling discouraged and felt led to go back and re-read some of my journals from my time in Portland.
One entry particularly jumped out to me.
In that entry I wrote how I had recently read a devotional about Jesus & Peter walking on the water, and how AS SOON as Peter took his eyes off of Jesus... he began to sink.
"that's a good lesson... keep our eyes on Jesus...our gaze upon Him.
This is just a perfect time to walk that out." -ryan's journal, 10/7/09
As I read that back in December, I wrote,
"so true... and so fitting for me today and recently. I can't let the things...all the vast amount of 'things' of this world capture my gaze away from Jesus and where my gaze ought to be." -ryan's journal, 12/13/11
This is so absolutely true for everyone at anytime in life!
Nishinomiya, Japan, Sep.2010
There are so many things in life that can capture our gaze... so many things that can take our attention off of Jesus. The moments when we are focusing on the 'winds and the waves' like Peter did, are the moments when we will begin to sink too. Those are the moments when we lose faith... we lose faith in our creator who is MORE POWERFUL than the 'winds and the waves' of our own lives!!
Fukuma, Japan, Feb.2011
In the same exact way that Jesus had dominion and complete control over those crazy and scary winds and waves...is the same exact way that he is BIGGER than any problem or circumstance that shows up in our lives!
I've ever so slightly begun to work on this in my own life. Money and financial provision is probably the biggest thing I worry about in life. Recently, in the moments when I've begun to think about money I've started to remind myself to simply stop worrying about those things and simply start thinking about Jesus.
I start thinking about how he totally and lovingly provided for me in Portland. I think about how he loves me no matter what... and loves me just the same no matter how much money I have in my bank account or how other people may think of me.
It's pretty rad how those petty little worries will melt away and become less of an issue just like the depth-of-field in a photograph.
Portland, OR, Jan.2010...
One way God provided for me there was giving me a job as a school bus driver. :)
National Gallery of Art, Washington D.C., Apr.2011
So with that said... I encourage you to remember Peter walking... and then sinking on the water in front of Jesus. Simply choose to keep your eyes and your gaze upon Jesus who is standing right in front of you... and those winds and waves of you own life will too melt away.
The New Century Version of Job 37:14: "Job listen to this: stop and notice God's miracles."
The English Standard Version of Job 37:14: "Hear this, O Job; stop and consider the wondrous works of God."
I was reading Job a couple hours ago, when this verse distinctly jumped out to me.
I consulted my trusty Webster's Dictionary to find out what actually defines a 'miracle.'
We all have our own preconceived opinions, more or less, of what is actually a miracle and what isn't.
For example, I just saw an article/video on Yahoo.com about a 21-year-old student at the University of Arizona who was in a terrible 5-car accident. He ended up in a coma and was "believed to be brain dead and [was] poised to be an organ donor, [but] miraculously recovered just hours before doctors were considering taking him off life support."
That is no doubt a miracle!
And there's this story from current World Racer, Kelly DeCaster:
"ZECHARIAH: He was blind. Now he sees. It's simple yet unbelievable. Zechariah had been nearly blind for 10 years. His eyelids remained closed due to nonuse. After we prayed we asked him to open his eyes. His eyelids raised and we saw his eyes fighting to look into ours. He said, 'I couldn't see, but now I see well.' His joy was revealed in his tears."
But ponder with me what Mr. Webster has to say:
mir-a-cle (mir'e kel) n. [[< L mirus, wonderful]]
1 an event or action that apparently contradicts known scientific laws
2 a remarkable thing
so, then I read the definition of remarkable:
re-mark'a-ble adj. worthy of notice; extraordinary ---re-mark'a-bly adv.
According to those definitions, I believe that more things indeed qualify as miracles than I, and likely most people, originally thought.....which is pretty cool I'd say.
Sitting here right now... I truly consider it a miracle that God has been molding me and HEALING me as effectively as he has after working under that pastor in Japan! It truly has been remarkable!
And the fact that he's given me parents that have allowed me to come and live in their house again for 9 months while getting healed... and how's he given me so many different odd jobs to make money during this time too! It's incredible how he works!!!
Getting back to the Job verse itself... both version say, "stop..." and then basically say 'pay attention!'
We humans (especially us affluent Americans) so often get way too distracted by world things. Things that do not deserve any time to be spent on them, (like the game minesweeper on the computer! I've been addicted to that stupid thing lately! grrr...) too often take precedence over hangin' out with God and discovering more about him.
I, for one, need to just 'stop!' much more frequently!
Stop... and pay attention to the miraculous works of God.
From that verse, I'm also getting the vibe that it's implying that God's miracle are all around us!
It's so easy to get caught up in what there is to "do" all the time...and TOTALLY miss the miraculous and amazing things that happen everyday.
This brings me back to the idea that many of us wrestled with out on The Race... 'being' vs. 'doing.'
my mentor, Craig, in Minnesota this past August
I mean think about Mary & Martha in Luke 10.
(this story has actually randomly popped into my head a few times recently)
verse 39: "...Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching." (esv)
verse 40: "...Martha was distracted with much serving..."(esv)
verse 42: Jesus: "Only one thing is important."(ncv)
"...Mary has chosen the better thing... and it will never be taken away from her."(ncv)
That's pretty straight forward to me:
'being'... especially in regards to 'being' in the presence of God, is more important than working and even serving. He doesn't say, "always do 'this' and never do 'that'..." He simply says, one is better than the other.
That's something to really think about.
And as an attempt to help you remember and hang onto what God is hopefully speaking to you though all this... (and a means to get another recent photo into my blog :) ... take this visual aide:
This is my mentor Craig again... and here is his own caption to this shot:
"This is my......"come here......I am going to spiritually punch you in the mouth!" look.
:)
Think of this as God looking at you and lovingly, yet firmly saying, "Hey! Come here... there's something we need to work on... something I want to teach you."
These are two things that have been prophesied over me within the last year and a half. Both of them have brought me a lot of peace and a lot of confidence.
The Joseph one came just a couple months ago. In a similar way that God made Joseph's journey very atypical and seemingly random ...so has He made me.(Joseph was betrayed and sold into slavery by his brothers, and taken to foreign lands and put into jail, took a number of steps that seemed be backwards steps... and then BAM he's the second most powerful man in all of Egypt!) I haven't been sold, or been in jail...but I've done a lot of random and short-lived things since I finished college in November 2005:
lived back with my parents 4 separate times
had 14 different kinds of work: newspaper reporter, photographer (sports, horses, weddings), grocery store clerk, lawn mower, house painter, salmon boat guy, waiter, maintenance, videographer, school bus driver, english teacher and plexiglass display case maker)
spent 1 month in Sweden
spent 3 weeks in Alaska where I survived a hotel fire
went on the World Race which took me to 18 different countries on 5 continents
interned at 2 different Young Life camps for 1 year and 3 months total (Minnesota & Oregon)
lived in Portland, OR for 6 months
spent 11 months in Japan as a missionary
have spent time in 36 states
I suppose my story is a wee bit unusual, yeah?
But I have peace now that all these things have just been a part the unique journey God has me on and that I've learned necessary lessons from each and every one of these things... and thus hopefully becoming more of the man that God has created me to be.
The last 7-8 months in particular has been a season of healing for me.
This is why God lead me back to my hometown in Michigan after my time Japan. I needed healing after working in Shukugawa. I needed to be around familiar people, places and things. (When I returned back to the States, I noticed that I was always apologizing for the tiniest things. I believe that was rooted by the fact that I constantly felt like a burden to the family and church I was working under in Japan.) I needed to be back in a church that is truly driven by love, not condemnation, and a church that exhibits freedom and hasn't made 'the study of the bible' an idol that is more important than actually living out the what the bible says.
Spending time down at AIM in Georgia in September was God's finishing touches on my season of healing.
I can proudly and confidently tell you that right now... I feel stronger than I ever have!
With that said...
I am pleased to publicly announce that I will soon be moving down to Gainesville, GA to serve at Adventures In Missions (AIM) through the World Race Apprentice program!
The program is 8 months and during that time, I will be serving in the home office of AIM in their marketing dept. doing photography and videography... helping to spread the word of what God is doing through AIM and throughout the world! I'll also be discipled while I'm there also.
I know this is just another internship/temporary type thing... but I have no doubt this is the next step in the journey God has me on! No doubt that I will be challenged and sharpened in ways that I really need it and in ways that will equip me for the rest of my life and in whatever my long term ministry ends up being. I know that EVERY time I've been on an AIM trip or at an AIM event... I am challenged and grow like crazy! Their spiritual DNA just clicks with me. I want to be around all that as much as I can! I'm also doing this to get familiarized with the changes and new things at AIM since I did the World Race 4 years ago, with the intention of possibly leading a World Race or other trips with AIM down the road.
This will never get off the ground though unless people like you are willing to give financially and pray for me. It's a way for you to personally and directly influence the kingdom of God in this world! And God will definitely bless you through your prayers and giving.
I need $3,500 to start this Apprenticeship, and $13,500 total for the 8 months. (and hopefully more down the road as I live the rest of my life doing mission work) That may seem like a lot (it did to me at first) but know that this will be my full-time job for 8 months, and the majority of this'll be my income to live off of for that time. That total includes $1,500 for the program itself and the rest is $1,500/mo. for my personal salary as I serve Jesus and let Him mold me in this 40-hr/wk job.
If you'd like to give, monthly or one time only, click "SUPPORT ME!", below my picture at the top left corner of this page. OR you can send a check (with my name in the memo space) to:
Adventures In Missions
PO Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353-4470
A cool verse that I encourage you to look at is Mark 4:24
"The way you give to others is the way God will give to you, but God will give you even more."
It's truth.
That word 'empire builder' that was prophesied over me in May '10, has definitely resonated in my heart...and I'm confident that God indeed has HUGE things that He's going to use me for down the road.... perhaps in a similar way that He used Joseph. I would love it you'd help me live that out.
Thank you so much!
And please remember that I love to pray for people, so if there's anything you would like prayer for, or have any questions about all of this, please don't hesitate to contact me.
God has been doing some reallyBIGthings in me lately!!
In mid-September I ended up going down to Gainesville, Georgia for AIM'sAwakeningConference.
And for lack of a better word... I was straight up AWAKENED!!!
It was weird to be back there at AIM... for the first time since WR training camp in Sep. '06. Pretty surreal. I think it was surreal because the World Race was so incredibly monumental for me, and that whole journey began in Gainesville at that AIM complex.
The Awakening is 48 hours of awesome worship, messages and time to hang out with old friends. AIM had had 2 of these conferences previously, but both had been in Europe and I wasn't able to make it to either of them.
God had been totally nudging my heart to take the time and money to get to this first stateside one in Georgia. And I figured I'd stick around for a couple days after to spend more time with old friends.
Aside from one night while I was at the Young Life camp in Oregon in early '09, I hadn't been around any spirit-led/spirit-filled/open-ended (however you want to name it) worship of any kind. So, it had been way too long since I'd been around worship like that.
Once I was actually at the Awakening, one of the first things I noticed while I was under that big circus tent during worship and listening to speakers and praying and spending time with old friends... was thatGod was awakeningthe lion insideof me!!
*(we did these personality evaluations before we left for the Race, and the results were shown by matching us to 4 different animals in various degrees: otter (extroverted, verbal, lively); beaver (detailed oriented, analytical); golden retriever (nurturing, relationship oriented) & lion (leadership, strength). Lion is the biggest one in me and personally comes with passion and a fierceness)
The first night down there, I said hi to Seth Barnes (the head dude at AIM, and who was one of our squad coaches, but whom I hadn't seen in 4 years) and we got to talking a bit. He mentions this new ministry they have started called Kingdom Dreams, and that they're having this 6 day workshop called Searchlight, that starts the day after the Awakening. He said those 2 things are their attempt at helping Racers who are fresh off the field to find what the next step is. To help them identify what their passions are and to help them discover what their ultimate, overarching dream is within the Kingdom of God.
It sounded pretty good to me, so I asked him, "Even though I am not fresh off the WR, could I go and check it out?"
"Of course. Go talk to Seth Jr."
My expectations apparently weren't very high as my initial intention was just to check out this Searchlight thing for the first day or two and then hit the road toward my next destination.
:)
Little did I know that God would show up big time (um... DUH, of course He'd show up!) and reveal all kinds of things to me and TOTALLY give me the direction that I had been praying for and seeking FOR MONTHS!!
Needless to say... I stayed for the entire week.
Searchlight was so very beneficial for me. There was 30-40 people taking part in this workshop, and I was by far the 'longest tenured' Racer so-to-speak. (I had been back in the States for 4 years, most of the others had been back 2-6 weeks.)
I could probably write 10 blogs about things I learned at Searchlight!
But, here's the biggest things:
My Passions
1) I was aware of this one beforehand, but my heart mainly lies in discipling/mentoring/shepherding high school/college/young adult guys. I love speaking and pouring life into people and helping them see and know how much Jesus loves them and how he created them uniquely and to know their identity in Christ. I want to raise up spiritual warriors!
2) Leadership. The lion in me comes into play here too. I need a lot more experience with this, but God's given me a lot of strengths here.
3) I have a passion for (and have been prophesied over that I am anointed in this) ministering to people who struggle with depression and who are suicidal...as I struggled with both of those things a lot while I was in college. Of these 3 passions, this one is the most undeveloped. I have very little experience with this, and so I have a ton to learn still. But with that, God has given me some visions for how He's going to use me with this.
My overall vision/kingdom dream is to:
Meet, minister to and disciple young Japanese and raise them up as Japanese missionaries and send them out amongst the nations!
I have something lined up for the next chapter in my life that I'm excited to share with you all... and I will try try try to post another blog within the next week and tell you all about it and ask for your help in making it happen.
Thank you thank you for all your prayers!
Please let me know if there is anything I can be praying for you about.
Chikako was kind enough to voluntarily offer and then house my parents for 2 days while they visited.
Michiko is probably the most polite of any of the students I had and probably had the gentlest spirit.
Kazuko... the class started with just the two of us, and was a little awkward... but we grew to really enjoy each other's company.
I wanted to do a quick little post as somewhat of a tribute to my students in Japan.
Virtually all of my students were magnificent! So kind and respectful. A lot of them invited me out for lunch or dinner... they would bring me gifts... give me advice about good places to visit. I was able to build some awesome relationships with many of them... some that I've continued to stay in touch with.
Some of them had never even heard of Jesus before... some had gone to a christian school growing up. Most were Buddhist. But I know without a doubt that every student that ever came to one of my classes left knowing or experiencing a little bit more of the Bible and more of who Jesus is.
Eiko is really sweet & gentle.
Maki has a really warm heart, is really personable and is very easy to talk to.
Yukako is a quiet college student, but when she smiles it never ceased to warm me up a bit.
Fumiyo and I had a class to ourselves... but it was so great that way...classes with her went by fast. She loves to explore, so she gave me great tips on places to go.
Haru was a top-level student, so we had some great conversations. He was so eager to learn English...which always helps out the teacher.
Now these two... :) Out of all my students, I probably got the closest with these two.
Eiko is awesome. She speaks probably the best English of any of the students I had... and speaks Spanish. We felt so at ease with each other, and she was probably the person most genuinely willing to listen to me and wanting to know how I was doing. Great friend!
Takako is awesome too! She's so candid and transparent... not afraid to share her heart. She's really compassionate...she is definitely searching and God is reaching out to her big time. and I know He has some big plans for her if she realizes them and walks toward Him.
Kenjiwas definitely the hungriest and most interested in the gospel and wanting to understand it... than any other student I had. He is also a professional photographer... so we had lots to talk about. Real sincere and genuine guy.
Takashi and I hit it off well from the beginning. If we spoke the same language completely... I think we'd be pretty good friends.
Maki (Takashi's wife) is soft-spoken, and shy (though I think it's rooted out of selfless respect for others)... but she's a thinker, and it's clear that she strives to do well in everything she does.
This class was a pleasure to have.
The woman on the left was a friend of my student on the right, Megumi.
Risa (holding the flowers) is so gentle and polite. She's an actress at a very famous theater company but was so humble about it. The few times she came to my class, it was a pleasure to have her.
Megumi is awesome! She moved to America after only being my student for a few months... but we became great friends. She's so honest and animated, and was one of those students that always lights up a room. I was actually able to visit her in New Jersey this past spring.
My kindergartners!
Azumi was my favorite! I'm sorry everyone else, but she is my favorite person in all of Japan! I so wish we spoke the same language... because we bonded so quickly. I could go on and on about the things I love about Azu...but all I'll say is that she's the one person from Japan that I continue to pray for almost everyday...and she was the only person that I cried after saying goodbye to.
Honoka is a funny and sweet little girl. I never quite understood her... but she was great to have in class.
Tomofumi is one smart kid! He's such a boy's boy... and he's really genuine and fun to mess around with.
Keisei... he's an interesting one. He's a good kid, but hilariously random! This kid will end up being a visionary.
Junko is gentle and humble. I appreciated her transparency and willingness to be open in conversation. I was really glad she was in my class. To respect her wishes, I won't say anything else except that she could really use your prayers for encouragement and strength.
Yoko is a very polite and respectful woman. She asks great questions, and we grew quite comfortable with one another.
These were my 'returnees' students. Meaning, they had lived in an English speaking country before or had an English speaking parent. So, they were quite good at English. We even read Charlotte's Web together.
Melissa is really fun to have in class. She was kind of a cheater at games... but she has a very uppity and joyful spirit that was always more than welcome. She was also great at helping Honoka with worksheets.
Honoka all the sudden became a riot! She showed up one week and was all the sudden a goofball. She's a great learner and definitely made this class fun.
Daiki was a newcomer to the class, and I don't think I ever saw the real Daiki... but he's a great kid and loves baseball.
This class was pretty fun and relaxed. I enjoyed it.
Minami joined my class later on, but she was a great addition. She's a very devoted student and has a very warm heart and was a pleasure to spend time with.
Kaori was an exchange student in Arkansas, so it was cool to talk about America at times. She has a very joyful spirit and always seems to be smiling.
Reiko is really shy, but clearly has a great heart. It was cool to see her open up a bit when some others joined the class.
Misaki was an absolute joy to have in class. She's really light-hearted and joyful... and one of those people that brightens up a room as soon as they walk in.
This was my biggest class (had 8 one time) and was sometimes a bit overwhelming, but for the most part they were a pleasure to have.
Yuko is a very detailed and serious student. She's really polite, and has a big heart for her kids.
Eiko is gentle and a bit shy, but she's got a great heart and I liked having her in class.
Yukie joined the class later on... but she's got spunk and genuineness that was a great addition to the class.
Shuko is really polite and soft-spoken, and really personable and compassionate.
Risa, is the actress, andI talked about her earlier.
Yuriko joined us late, but was a good addition to the class. A really sweet woman.
Tomomi (in blue) was pretty shy at first, but gets really excited about things sometimes and it's cool to see her enthusiasm. She says she's a christian, but I'm not so sure. Be praying for her if you would.
Miyoko was a make-up student from another class, so I didn't get to know her very well.
Junko joined the class toward the end of my time there, so I didn't get to know her all that well, but she was really polite and respectful.
Nami (in pink) was the other student that I got the closest with. She has a really warm heart and is really friendly. She too was someone who seemed to truly care about how I was doing. We had some fun times in class. AND she definitely gets the award for 'funniest thing said by one of my students.' I had previously explained to her what it meant to be an 'early bird' and what it meant to be a 'night owl.' A couple weeks later she says to me during class, "I'm not a night owl, and I'm not an early bird. I'm just a lazy ass." HILARIOUS!
Fumiko was pretty shy, but she has a cool down-to-earth demeanor about her. I see a compassionate heart in her. She was a great addition to the class.
I had more students than this, but don't have pictures of them all.
Even with all the negative stuff that happened while I was over there... relationships with my students was probably the best thing about my time over there. I had some amazing conversations with some of them and God showed up in some big ways... and I know He used me in some really big ways in people's lives.
TO MY STUDENTS...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HEARTS AND LOVE!
Ok...so, it's been over 1 year and 3 months since I've updated this thing. I never intended it to be that long of an absence. I'm sorry.
Last time I left you, I had been in Japan for about 6 weeks.
traditional dancing at a summer festival
Now... I have been back in the States for just over 5 months. I want to give you the rundown on the rest of my time over there, if you haven't heard it already.
Before I even left Oregon in March 2010 to head to Japan, I had signed a 2-year contract with the church/school that I was going to work for, and of course had every intention of keeping that contract. I know that no ministry or life situation will ever be perfect... but if you look back at my previous blog entry on here, you'll notice how even just 6 weeks in... something was already rubbing me the wrong way about the pastor there. (I think I even noticed stuff just 2 weeks in) Something in my spirit just wasn't at peace.
fish kites were all along this river for a few weeks. if I remember correctly, they were for the 'boy's day' holiday.
Turns out, that uneasiness would eventually develop into the biggest reason why I left that particular ministry.
I don't want to complain or judge or share things that I probably shouldn't in a public venue such as this... but I'll attempt to give you just the nutshell version. Basically... I sometimes felt like I was working in a cult. I was chatting with the two outgoing American teachers soon after my arrival, and they were explaining some things about the church/school there and I said to them, "Dude... it sounds like you are describing a cult!"
"Yeah. It definitely feels that way sometimes."
I can give you more details privately if you so desire, but things this pastor said and preached... some of the ways he came across... the way he treats people sometimes... the condemning spirit he seems to have... all of it culminated to where I could no longer in good conscience or good faith support his ministry or his church.
I had around 40 or 45 students in 16 classes, and I quickly grew to care for them quite a bit... and as a missionary it is our job to obviously share the gospel, but it is also our job to plug them into church bodies & communities. I didn't want them (and I believe God gave me peace about it) to go to that particular church. I didn't want them to go there and see that church, meet and listen to that pastor and experience that atmosphere... and think that was an accurate picture of Christ or His intention of church. This may sound over-dramatic, but there were honestly a few times over the course of my year over there that this pastor reminded me of the demon-possessed man, Joe Peacemaker, that I met on the first week on The Race in Mexico. ***I'm not by any means saying this pastor was demon-possessed, so please don't misunderstand me... I just mean that interacting with him kind of messed with my head and beliefs in similar ways.***
There was a Japanese guy, in his early 30s, who had spent 10 years in Hawaii, that started coming to church a few months after I first arrived. Since he knew English pretty well (and because I hadn't progressed in Japanese like I had hoped to) we were able to get to know each other. He was having some family problems, and was TOTALLY seeking and looking for answers! We ended up hanging out about 4 times a month on average for the whole time I was there. He told me about his one-on-one meetings with the pastor (that I worked for) and basically that the pastor had the point-the-finger mentality towards him and was way more condemning of him than he was anything else. Seriously lacking on the love aspect. Long story short... my friend was totally turned off toward church, and kind of toward christianity altogether. Thankfully, he was still willing to hang out with me... and I was able to share the real truth of Jesus as best I could... not the condemning version he had been hearing.
So... after a LOT of prayer and opinion seeking from trusted friends and family... I gave my required 6-months notice for leaving earlier than the 2 years.
a time lapse shot of the local train station
a trip, of any length, wouldn't be complete without somekind of Mario exposure :)
Overall... even amidst all the struggle and confusion, there was a lot of good things that happened while I was there. I know that God taught me things and molded me in some key areas, and I know for a fact that God used me for some awesome things, People got a much clearer view of who Jesus is... People experienced Him in brand new ways... and some simply heard about Him for the first time.
While I didn't particularly enjoy the 'being a teacher' part of the gig, I LOVED the relationship building part! I liked that a majority of my classes consisted mostly of conversation, as it paved the way for relationships to really take off. A number of them I am still in contact with even now.
this is Ryosaku, haha... in one of his finer moments. he wasn't one of my students, but took me out to dinner and things quite a bit. I guess you could say he was like my Japanese grandpa.
it may be surprising to some... but Japanese baseball games are way more fun than they are here in the US
meet Azumi. :) she went to the church, and was one of my kindergarten students. she was definitely the hardest person to say goodbye to. I miss her dearly.....I mean how can you not smile at her!
lanterns at a summer festival
I had some amazing conversations with my students, in and out of class. We talked about really deep biblical topics, what marriage is like in Japan, Buddhist and Shinto traditions and practices, life goals & dreams, family issues and even laser hair removal. :) There were a few people in the church that I connected with pretty well and got to know and was able to challenge them as they challenged me. And I loved spending time with the kids in the church.
One class conversation that sticks out was when a student was telling me about her past week. She's an elementary teacher and not a christian. The father of one of her students had recently died, and as the student's teacher, she went to the funeral... which happened to be a Christian funeral since the family was Christian. (which... right off the bat is pretty rare, since around 1% of Japanese are Christian) In the same way that Christianity is pretty intricately woven into American culture and history, the same is true with Buddhism in Japan. She had obviously never been to a Christian funeral, and was quite surprised that the people at this funeral were much less sad and how it just felt warmer in general... compared to a Buddhist funeral. She wanted to know why.
I was so glad she brought it up, because it gave me an AMAZING opportunity to explain what Christians believe about heaven, and how we believe the deceased person (if they've been saved) has gone to a MUCH better place, and that is something to be relatively joyful about. She, and the other students seemed to be pretty intrigued by the Christian concept of heaven.
These next 5 shots are kids from church. This is Ren, who actually has an American mother
Kaishu & Kenya
Natsumi, the kid's handbell choir
Eishu
Ran, Sakura & Ai... church girls at a park fountain
I became pretty close with a few of the other American teachers there... and was even the best man, photographer and only guest at the wedding of one of the teachers...
one of the other teachers at the school, Josh, (who I became really good friends with) marrying a Japanese girl
Some other positive things: I got to go a few times to an awesome international church nearby and met some cool people there... I briefly hooked up with Young Life in the area... became friends with a missionary from New Zealand who was pretty encouraging, helpful and even prophetic a couple times. I finally hunted down some basketball...got to visit an incredible family near Tokyo that I knew from college...
this is Dr. Shin... he's the pastor of a church outside of Tokyo, that I spent some time with while I was in college. It was so unbelievingly refreshing, to go and visit him and his family during this past year in Japan. They are overflowing with love, hospitality, joy and generosity!!
...got a visit from an old friend from the race, Mr. Jon Hiebert...
Jon came for a few days, and even though I had to work most of the time, we were able to go up to this resort town, Arima, one day.
...got a little freaked out from a minor earthquake... got to take my parents around Japan a bit during their first time in Asia... bought a pretty cool little bicycle that folded up all transformer-like.
I left the country 2 weeks before the big earthquake/tsunami/nuclear mess, and upon leaving Japan, I decided to come back to my hometown in southern Michigan for the time being. I believe God was drawing me here for the spring/summer to be back in a familiar place after the trying experience I'd had. I needed to be back around people I know and trust... and just get some healing spiritually and mentally.
muahaha!
I'm gonna end this blog here... but I'm planning to get a couple more posts up in the coming weeks. I wanna share more about where I'm at spiritually right now and what I think God's doing in my life... and what I am hoping and praying for with the future.
Also, during my time in Japan, I was able to go and spend 2 weeks with the missionaries in Thailand that I hooked up with on the Race. So, I've got a bit to share about that.
So... stay tuned my friends.........ninja ryan shall return!
hilltop view of the Kobe/Osaka mega-metropolis I lived in
First off, I'll say that I am doing much better than I was almost 5 weeks ago when I posted last.
I have almost 4 weeks of teaching under my belt now, and I am
actually pretty comfortable with it for the most part. All of my adult/high
school classes have consisted of almost all conversations thus far...which is
totally okay with me! Not only do I 100% believe that conversation is by far the
best way to learn a language (much more so than textbooks), but, if nothing
else, I simply enjoy building relationships with my students.
It is weird though to think of myself as having my own
'students'! ... And to think of myself as a teacher to begin with.
one of my 6 kindergarten students
But yet here I am... just another part of this ongoing journey
of ours, called life.
this is 10 minutes from my house
I feel like I am adapting and adjusting to life in Japan
pretty
well now. I'm not in love with the country like I used to be...but at
least now I
think I accept it and the fact that I am indeed here for a while, and that it is apparently where God wants me to be.
church potluck
in the sanctuary after church
My relationships with the other teachers are going pretty
well, especially with the guys that I live with. I'm slowly getting to know the
people at the church better (which is really good because there's some really
cool people there) and making some friends with the kiddies. But the church
side of my time here, as a whole, has been kind of bleh. Which...(and I may offend or
disappoint some people by saying this) I've never really felt like I've gotten
a whole lot outta 'church', to begin with (except in Portland it was pretty
good)...and at the same time I probably haven't given much to church either, in terms of involvement... but anyway, it's
taking some additional getting-used-to with being at church for most of the day
on Sunday here. And then there's the thing of; I-don't-know-what-I-think-of-the-pastor-yet... I just get some weird feelings from him. I've also been surprised
at the complete lack of any relationship with him thus far. But I'll leave it
at that for now though.
I will say that I have been reminded of the fact of needing
to remember that God is bar-none my ultimate and final authority...in absolutely
EVERYTHING! I need to remember that Christ did not come to bring peace...but rather a
sword. (matt 10:34)
one of the classrooms...where some people are hearing the gospel for the very first time
Probably the best part of being here so far has been the
bible time at the end of every single class. It has been pretty incredible the
way God has been leading those times. The first week of classes, I asked
each student what they thought of the bible, Jesus and Christianity. "Do you like it? Not like it? Do you believe it? Do you think it's stupid?" I'm
really glad god leaned me toward doing that the first week. It gave me a great
idea of where people are in terms of Christianity and what kind of stuff
would be best for them to hear.
the second floor is the school
I really believe in the concept, 'earn the right to be
heard,' which I first learned about in Young Life. So because of that, I've
shared my brief story about how I became a Christian and how and why I'm in Japan now. I've
shared quite a bit about various experiences from my time on the Race, and have
even showed a lot of my classes the photo book I made from that year. A lot of
great questions and discussions have resulted from all of that stuff.
a generic self-portrait before class. I guess you could say this is my game-face before going into battle
It's been really cool to look back and see how the holy
spirit has TOTALLY been leading each bible time! I've shared John 8:32 (you will know the truth, and the truth will
set you free) with probably every class so far...but it's just really neat
how even though I'm using the same verse as a starting place... where the
discussion goes from there has been COMPLETELY up to God! Sometimes, as I'm
sitting there talking, I can't help but be...kind of astounded at the different
words and concepts that are coming out of my mouth from the holy spirit. I
never have any idea where the discussion will end up or where God is going to
take it, but ya know, each time it must be exactly what God wants those people
to hear. Just the other night, a student and I ended up staying for almost an extra
hour talking about some really deep biblical concepts. Here's an after picture of the
white board and some of the stuff I shared with him.
It's funny to think
of myself as a 'real missionary' for some reason.But I'm learning and discovering new things
everyday it seems like. Learning new things about trust (as always) and servant
hood, submission and attitude, selflessness...and more and more about how
important it is to be really consistent about getting into the bible and being
in prayer.
I feel like I had some more profound things to put into this
blog...but...this is what I've got I guess.
I've connected with this girl pretty well. she goes to the church and is in my kindergarten class
If you're willing to pray for me, here's some things that
you could pray for me about:
-ongoing strength,
mostly mentally...to keep being able to get up in the morning and go to
school, and the mental energy to be uppity, welcoming and loving for every one
of my 16 classes each week.
-conviction and
discernment...there are some things here that I think may need to be
addressed/fixed. But I don't know how, when, what or if I should speak up and
address them.
-for the holy spirit
to continue to lead me every single day
-for contentment...it's
not a big issue currently, but it's just an ongoing struggle for me
And as always, if you have stuff that you need or want
prayer for...I really like praying for people, so please don't hesitate to ask.
My email is ryanstewartphoto@hotmail.com
Lastly, I've had some people ask me what my mailing address
is...so I'm just gonna put it out there:
I find myself in aninteresting place.
Not only is it interesting... and kind of weird, to be in Japan to begin
with, but mentally right now... things are also rather interesting.
And I mean that in a weird, not great, but
also in a 'not terrible' kind of way.
The first 3 or 4 days of observing classes was
pretty tough. I was
battling a lot of anxiety, fear, doubt and discouragement about fulfilling the duties/tasks and responsibilities that I
have upon me here.A lot of different thoughts
orbiting around the theme of "I can't do this!" and "Part of me doesn't even
want to do this... I want to run away!"
God is working though. He's helping me through this. On the last day of observing, my
confidence level was a lot better, and in general I felt a lot better about
stuff.
Today is the first of 6 days off for spring
break. I start teaching...on my own...on April 6th.
I've realized a lot of things already in the
10 days or whatever that I have been here.
I've realized that this experience (teaching
English here and just living in Japan)
is going to be more challenging than I originally thought. One seemingly petty
way is that I have to dress up and look all professional everyday. Which, in
the big scheme of things, really ain't that big of a deal... But for me, it's
going to be stretching because I don't enjoy dressing up and other than a
2-week stint as a reporter back in '06, I've never had a job that I've had to
look all professional for.
that second floor there is the english school
Another thing that I have realized is... I don't like Japan as much as I remember.
Some of that feeling may have to do with the fact that I've only been here for
10 days and therefore haven't settled in and gotten comfortable yet... but I
think it's more than that. And I just happened to read in 2 Cor. 9 the other
day, where Paul says, "To the Jews I became like a Jew to win the Jews... I have
become all things to all people so I could save some of them in any way
possible." I had never noticed that section before. But, I immediately thought
to myself, 'I don't want to become like the Japanese!' There are some deep and
serious flaws in this culture that I do not want to inherit!
In the month or two before I left Portland, a plan B presented itself and developed in case
I didn't get my visa for Japan.
AIM has started to do a lot down in Haiti, in wake of the earthquake.
They've been looking for WR alumni and similar types of people to go down to
work and serve. Seemingly, at the same time that my hopes for Japan were growing, a new pull on
my heart to go back and minister in the third-world was also developing
rapidly.
If this Japan
thing didn't work out, there was a good chance I would've gone down to Haiti for a
while instead. For the week or two before I officially found out that I got the
visa for Japan, I was going back and forth every other day between being way
more excited to go to Haiti, and being way more excited for this Japan thing.
Back and forth man. Then the visa stuff came through, and I just went through this open door that was
now in front of me.
If you think about it... I have changed and
grown quite a bit in the 4½ years since I was in Japan last. And so, since being
here and discovering that I just don't mesh with this culture in terms of how
I'm wired...(I love a slow-pace of life and a culture that is relationship driven
and simple. as opposed to a culture like Japan that is extremely work-oriented,
complicated and very busy with a faster-pace) I can't help but wonder... Have my
feelings about Japan
all these years been based on sentimentality? Or was God indeed calling
me here? It's not like there isn't a need in Japan... cuz
there's a huge one! And now, as that ever-present itch or pull for the
third-world and helping people with real physical and tangible needs is very
much there... I can't help but wonder and question.
I live right across from that big blue AO sign
I'm hoping and praying that this isn't just
another case of discontentment and thinking that 'the grass will always be
greener on the other side.' I mean, I did just
get here and haven't really settled in yet... so maybe it is. I'm also trying to
be mindful of the fact that God totally did all kinds of crazy cool things over
the last 6 months to bring me here. So, he must have something good in mind for
me. Right?
Maybe it's just the fact of not being used to
having the next 2 years of my life planned out that is causing all this. It's a
lot easier to grasp a 1-year commitment as opposed to 2.
Is ministering in Japan for the next 2 years merely a
good thing... or is it indeed the best thing for me?
Am I thinking too much again? :)
Perhaps I'm just not
flat-out trusting Him and His plan enough...
I made it
safely over to Japan.
One of my bags came a couple days late, but other than that, it was a smooth
trip.
I'm
living in a house with three other American guys. One is at the end of his two
years here, so he's moving out soon, so there'll be three of us total.
I've just
been hangin' out for the most part the last couple days. I've been to some
restaurants with the other teachers and some people from the church...which has already
been more eating out than I usually do. I've been catching up on a lot of sleep too man.
I was up till almost 6am packing last Wednesday, and got maybe 45 minutes
of 'sleep' that night before I left Portland.
I slept a decent amount on the flights...(as good as you can on planes), but I
went to bed at 7:30 the other night and took like a 6+ hour nap today. :/
Tomorrow
is the start of 5 full days of observing the English classes.
Mentally...I'm
doin alright. Hangin in there.
I can't
really feel any excitement at this point because all the new-ness and taking in
all of that is overpowering thus far. I find myself worrying about things like
if my work attire will be acceptable, (apparently, Shukugawa, the area I now
live in, is the Beverly Hills of Japan) and fearful about if I'm gonna do a
good enough job as an English teacher. Cuz I've never done this before.
I'm trying
to focus on being patient and trusting that this is undoubtedly where God wants
me for the next couple years. And believe that He is going to give me the
necessary knowledge and skills to get me through this and to hopefully thrive
in it. I'm already coming to terms that this experience is going to require me
to die to myself in some new ways.
So yeah...I
made it here and I'm hangin in there. Getting a bit of a cold/sinus infection
though.:(
I'll take
some pictures soon and post em up for ya. And pass along my new address.
Just wanted to let you guys know that I will be heading to JAPAN on march 18th, for a minimum of 2 years to work and minister at a church.
I'll be an english teacher/missionary at Shukugawa Bible Church in Nishinomiya. I'll be doing about 24 hrs/wk of english classes and then just being involved in the church on sundays and whatever else.
Japan has been on my heart for years. I spent a semester there during college in 2004... and since then God has really put a passion in my heart for that country and I totally see it as a forgotten mission field.
I've tried a couple of times in the last 4 or 5 years to get over there for long term, but God had not allowed those doors to open. So with this... I'm really excited!
I'm a bit nervous about stuff though too. Leaving a country and culture that is completely familiar and not knowing anyone at the place I'm going to. I've never taught english before at all, and so i'm a little nervous about how that's gonna go. And transitions are notoriously a very tough thing for me.
With that though...I am definitely excited for sure! Japan is all I've been talking about for years and I've been ready to get back out on the mission field for quite a while now. So bring it on. :)
I'm going to use this blog page again for sending updates and posting pictures and all that for my time in japan, so keep an eye out.
Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement yo! They are greatly needed and appreciated.
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